Finding that special someone
If you want to become whole,
first let yourself become broken.
If you want to become straight,
first let yourself become twisted.
If you want to become full,
first let yourself become empty.
If you want to become new,
first let yourself become old.
Those whose desires are few gets them,
those whose desires are great go astray.[Tao Te Ching, Chapter 22; posted here.]
These words contain vast treasures of wisdom. I haven’t posted in awhile here because, after letting go of a situation I thought was fulfilling me, I have been awash with almost more opportunity than I can handle! A classic example of letting go (becoming empty) before being filled with the sweetest nectar.
There have been many times in my life when this has come to fruition. One situation that stands out in my mind is when I finally made the decision to stop searching for my life companion and to simply be happy being single for the rest of my life. And in being happy with single-hood, I knew I needed to get out and make some friends and find some groups. But completely without looking for that “someone” to fulfill me. I set out to be fulfilled without the need for someone else in my life.
And it was precisely then that it happened. I went to a meeting of a social group, just for the socialization it would provide. I went with a friend. I wasn’t looking, and there was certainly no one there who would’ve interested me had I been looking. And then, arriving at the meeting a little late, she walked in. The woman of my dreams.
The rest, as they say, is history. I went empty-handed, without expectations and letting go of the desperate search for fulfillment. And when I was finally happy with myself and being single, that’s when I was empty enough to be filled with the sweetest nectar life had to offer me!
This emptying myself before finding the sweetest nectar has happened many times over in my life. I tend to hold on to situations or people a bit too long, thinking nothing else could possibly be better, or that what I had was better than nothing. Sometimes it takes awhile of being in that cocoon alone before the beautiful butterfly can emerge and wing its way to the flower-filled fields, but it always happens–something far better results when I finally let go of what I held on to so tightly, AND let go of the expectations for certain results.
I would’ve never guessed a few short weeks ago that my life would be filled to the brim with options and opportunities! I had hung my hat on a single peg and thought surely that was where my gifts and talents were to be used. And perhaps I was led to that place because, had the directors been open to other people assisting them, I could’ve been used and it would’ve been a great thing, a thing of real beauty. But when it became clear that the directors were closed to what I needed to bring into the world, I painfully closed the door. And in these passing weeks, door after door has opened.
Just like finding that someone special–only by letting go of the need, the search, the expectations–do we ever really find what we were looking for all along.
That is the mystery we call Tao. Follow its flow, and all shall be well.
I often find this principle at work in my everyday life. I’ll try and try to think of a particular word or phrase. The harder I try to recall it, the more it evades me. At some point, I simply shrug my shoulders. Once I’m no longer thinking about it, it just pops into me noggin.
In fact, it’s not uncommon for me to wake up in the middle of the night and the word, phrase or piece of information is staring at me in the dark — usually with a perverse smile too. : )