The Way of Tea

A monk once asked his master, “No matter what lies ahead, what is the Way?” The master quickly replied, “The Way is your daily life.”

The spirit of the Way of Tea are the four basic principles of harmony, respect, purity, and tranquility.

The principle of harmony means to be free of pretensions, walking the path of moderation, becoming neither free heated nor cold, and never forgetting the attitude of humility. Respect is the sincerity of heart that liberates us for an open relationship with the immediate environment, our fellow human beings, and nature, while recognizing the innate dignity of each. Purity represent clearing the duct of the world from one’s heart and mind, so that people and things can be perceived in their truest state. The act of cleaning enables one to sense the pure and sacred essence of things, humans, and nature. To be pure is to attend to one’s consciousness and state of mind in this moment.

Tranquility comes with the constant practice of harmony, respect, and purity in daily life.

to seek God’s face

Wow, it’s been over a year since I’ve posted.

I thought I would perhaps clarify previous misconceptions. I have not jumped any ships. I am still the same me, holding the same beliefs. What I seek are ways to LIVE OUT what I believe, ways to grow into a better, improved version of me. I seek to be my highest self, and that is a lifelong quest.

Along the way, I have found some interesting techniques and tools that assist in my understanding, and in my ability to APPLY the highest spiritual principles in my life. Spirituality in the head isn’t worth beans. Spirituality in the heart is better. But spirituality in daily actions is the only thing that really matters.

When I was younger, it took me a long time to find the best way for me to express my spirituality, to learn,  and to be challenged to live it daily without being overly encumbered by the mythology and deception that is so rife in so many belief systems, and to do it in the most healthful way possible, for me.

While some people can live with/within the deception/myths, I found it much more challenging to do so.  And so I had to completely leave the Christian mythology of a dead man who was God in person and who rose again. I know there is a larger teaching under that, that we can rise from the ashes when terrible things happen and create a new and better life, but there is so much WORSHIP of that mythology, of that lie, that I could not identify myself with that ideology. The system within which I now work also has its own set of mythologies, but they aren’t worshipped. Many many people hold them to be literally true, which I do not, but that’s a far cry from worshipping a mythology. And so there is enough “wiggle room” for me to find my place and to glean so much wisdom from the sages. There is also comfort, and a community. All good things.

In my 20′s, my search was for God. But now I do not need to seek God. God is un-seekable. While there is a Bible verse with the command to “Seek my face…”, seeking the “face” of God is a different quest than seeking God. (“God”, of course, is a relative term, and God’s “face”, of course, is also a symbolic term. I do not use either term in a literal sense.)

To me, the term “seek God” indicates a quest for finding some spiritual truth, perhaps enlightenment, or a relationship to the mythical Someone Out There. But to “seek God’s face” seems to indicate finding a way to put an actual face on my spirituality. To live it with full consciousness, in every moment of my life. To allow spirituality to hone me, to embody me. Not to search or embrace some Other, but to embrace that deepest spirituality in myself and in my daily actions. Hence, I don’t need to seek God; I need to find a way to put a face on my every moment, a face that is the very essence of my deepest beliefs.

This is not to argue whether or not there is a “God.” This is to say that whatever word you wish to use to represent your spirituality, putting a face on that, YOUR face on that, as well as the face of ALL on that, is the real topic at hand. This is nothing less than living consciously, living Tao, in my opinion and my experience.

Finding that special someone

If you want to become whole,
first let yourself become broken.
If you want to become straight,
first let yourself become twisted.
If you want to become full,
first let yourself become empty.
If you want to become new,
first let yourself become old.
Those whose desires are few gets them,
those whose desires are great go astray.

[Tao Te Ching, Chapter 22; posted here.]

These words contain vast treasures of wisdom. I haven’t posted in awhile here because, after letting go of a situation I thought was fulfilling me, I have been awash with almost more opportunity than I can handle! A classic example of letting go (becoming empty) before being filled with the sweetest nectar.

There have been many times in my life when this has come to fruition. One situation that stands out in my mind is when I finally made the decision to stop searching for my life companion and to simply be happy being single for the rest of my life. And in being happy with single-hood, I knew I needed to get out and make some friends and find some groups. But completely without looking for that “someone” to fulfill me. I set out to be fulfilled without the need for someone else in my life.

And it was precisely then that it happened. I went to a meeting of a social group, just for the socialization it would provide. I went with a friend. I wasn’t looking, and there was certainly no one there who would’ve interested me had I been looking. And then, arriving at the meeting a little late, she walked in. The woman of my dreams.

The rest, as they say, is history. I went empty-handed, without expectations and letting go of the desperate search for fulfillment. And when I was finally happy with myself and being single, that’s when I was empty enough to be filled with the sweetest nectar life had to offer me!

This emptying myself before finding the sweetest nectar has happened many times over in my life. I tend to hold on to situations or people a bit too long, thinking nothing else could possibly be better, or that what I had was better than nothing. Sometimes it takes awhile of being in that cocoon alone before the beautiful butterfly can emerge and wing its way  to the flower-filled fields, but it always happens–something far better results when I finally let go of what I held on to so tightly, AND let go of the expectations for certain results.

I would’ve never guessed a few short weeks ago that my life would be filled to the brim with options and opportunities! I had hung my hat on a single peg and thought surely that was where my gifts and talents were to be used. And perhaps I was led to that place because, had the directors been open to other people assisting them, I could’ve been used and it would’ve been a great thing, a thing of real beauty. But when it became clear that the directors were closed to what I needed to bring into the world, I painfully closed the door. And in these passing weeks, door after door has opened.

Just like finding that someone special–only by letting go of the need, the search, the expectations–do we ever really find what we were looking for all along.

That is the mystery we call Tao. Follow its flow, and all shall be well.

Who we really are at our divine center

“Each of us has a divine name. Mindfulness is the key to unlocking its secret. The term in the Talmud for mindfulness is kavanat lev, ‘the directing of the heart.’ Real mindfulness comes about not by an act of violence against our consciousness, not by force, not by trying to control our consciousness, but rather, by a kind of directed compassion, a softening of our awareness, a loving embrace of our lives, a soft letting be.

What were to happen if we were to look more deeply at the things we don’t like about ourselves instead of beating ourselves up about them? Maybe, just maybe, they would turn out to be strengths and not weaknesses after all. …

What is it about ourselves that we really hate? What is it we would do anything to change? And how is the very thing we hate our divine name? How might it express our purpose in life…? This is the kind of question we might spend our whole lives wrestling with. But if we turn a soft, loving eye on the thing we can’t stand about ourselves and keep it there until the thing we can’t stand falls away, this wrestling will become a loving embrace and our divine name wil emerge in its stead.”

[One God Clapping: The Spiritual Path of a Zen Rabbi, by Alan Lew with Sherril Jaffe, Kodansha Publishing; 1999; pp. 300-301.]

I believe that not too long ago I mentioned in a post about being “a big splash in a small pond.” If I didn’t post it here, then at the very least I know I journaled about it.

There are certain environments where I seem to thrive. One such environment is where my gifts and talents can just shine forth, and be put to good use. It’s great for me, and it’s great for the environment/group/organization with whom I am involved. A win-win situation right? Years ago, I was informed that this was some ego driven need to feel special, more special than others, and not a good thing. So of course, I have tried again and again to overcome this egotistical function of myself.

Even my recent studies with The Tao Te Ching seem to indicate that melting quietly into the background is a good thing. Nothing special, no one special, wu wei (doing through not-doing) are all pretty high on the list for being one who harmonizes with Tao.

And yet, I do have gifts and talents that not everyone has (and they have theirs that I don’t have, as well), and if I ignore these gifts, who then benefits? And what kind of “damage” might I do to myself for being inauthentic?

As an example, I love public speaking. And I am good at it. I can motivate people. I often inspire people. Most people are so afraid of public speaking, but someone needs to do it! I’m also good working with middle-school-aged children in the learning process. And I am talented when it comes to language. And the best part if that I bring a beginner’s mind to it, as well as a huge sense of having fun with it all. My enthusiasm and love for these things are absolutely contagious. When I don’t immerse myself in offering these gifts to the world, I become depressed and withdrawn. My heart aches and yearns for doing that which has brought so much joy into my life as well as those whom I have helped—both kids and adults.

After reading pages 299 through 301 in the above referenced book (those are really the only pages I found worth my time in the entire tome), something began to resonate within me. (A more complete excerpt from these pages can be found here.)

What if being this person who teaches and tutors and chants and speaks and sings is part of my name, my divine center, that for which I am here on this earth to pass along? What if this small piece is the beauty that I bring into the world? And how will the world be diminished in some way if I don’t continue with this great work, to the best of my ability?

That is the question begging an answer from me today, and one which I will continue to give thought to.

Trusting others

“When you do not trust people,
people will become untrustworthy.”

[Tao Te Ching: Chapter 23, translated by J. H. McDonald; posted here.]

“Give yourself to the Way
and you’ll be at home on the Way.
Give yourself to power
and you’ll be at home in power.
Give yourself to loss
and when you’re lost you’ll be at home.

To give no trust
is to get no trust.”

[Tao Te Ching: Chapter 23, translated by Ursula K. Le Guin; posted here.]

Today’s words from the Tao Te Ching give much over which to ponder. We get what we give. If we don’t trust, we will not be trusted. Furthermore, if we don’t trust others, we ourselves become untrustworthy.

So often it all comes back to ego protection through ego projection, doesn’t it?

Devotion, forms, and living in harmony with Tao

“The first act of devotion is offering. …Devotion is commitment. Through our daily acts of devotion, we demonstrate our determination to live a holy life. …Offering shows that we are receptive. Offering shows that we are devoted. Offering shows acknowledgement.”

[Everyday Tao: Living With Balance and Harmony, by Deng Ming-Dao; published by HarperOne, 1996; p. 154.]

As one devoted to living in harmony with Tao, how do I make a commitment to it? How do I show devotion? How do I make an offering?

I have written previously about form and formless, and how the forms can simply fall away once we see how we really do not need them. But what has been coming to me recently is that the lesson is this: as long as we need the forms, we should learn to see beyond them and let go of them. Once we truly awaken to the fact that forms are such awkward outward human attempts to put the indefinable into a box, then we are truly free to work within the form, but not chained to the form.

Now, this is different from one who follows a path of form-hopping. That is not the sign of one who has transcended the need for form; truly, it is the opposite. The one constantly searching here and there for “truth”, for a spiritual “home,” still has not learned the deepest truth: that our spiritual “home” is within us all the time.

This, I have learned by life’s lessons, and am still learning. I have stopped the relentless, form-hopping search and finally awakened to the deeper truth, that forms are so unnecessary, so humanly-invented, so limiting. But that doesn’t mean that all forms are to be completely disregarded and discarded, does it?

In fact, it does not. As a human being attuned to the flow, to the sense that there is more to me than my small world, that true Reality and Beingness flow in ways unfathomable and beyond my limited perceptions, I am naturally drawn to some sort of form in order to make some sense of this larger picture.

Just look at what happened in China to those who followed the

ways of Tao! Someone got the bright idea of building up layers of form around the simple profundity of it all, and the result was an overly convoluted religion called Taoism. Taoism is not Tao. It was simply one humanly-constructed way of trying to make sense of Tao, of trying to find meaningful ways to remind oneself to live in harmony with Tao on a daily basis, of being devoted to Tao.

Unfortunately, as good-intentioned as it all began, the form and structure got in the way. The deepest truth was lost in a sea of form. It became a religion unto itself, and the original goal of helping one see beyond became so clouded and enshrouded in fog as to be lost and unseeable.

This is the deeper lesson:

First, not to be addicted to seeking the “right” or “true” form, for there are none. None. Not one. Form-hopping will not find a better way, a more truthful journey, for the real Truth is within. Second, in order to develop spiritual acuity and nurturance, and only after having truly discovered that the form is not necessary, work within a form as a spiritual practice. Be devoted, but be devoted to the deeper truth–that the form is limited and will never enlighten you. Form can only limit and bind.

In the end, it’s not really about letting go of forms, but letting go of the desperate search and need for form.

Once that desperate search and need for form is released, once the deeper truth is realized, then one is able and free to use form as it is most truly meant to be used–as a human invention to keep Tao ever before your face.

This is, I think, the meaning behind the koan of one’s original face. Let go of form, which helps one to let go of the need for form, and then one can return to form as it was originally meant to be used.

I also think this was one of those deeper layers of meaning for me with my recent involvement in and frustration with “the center.” It was a metaphorical lesson pointing to this. The leaders were fixated on their outward form, the space and their written words describing what they were trying to do, rather than opening up their very hearts, allowing others to be a part of their true “center”, not just the building.

I think now I have opened the way to find some meaningful spiritual practices that can help me find devotion without the need for the form, yet within the form.

still giving it thought….

I’ve continued to give much thoughtful pondering to the situation that happened with the other organization.

I am willing to see that one of my deepest issues got triggered, that of being ignored, unheard, silenced, and discounted. Of someone else’s will for me——however well-intentioned it may have been—–overriding my own wants and needs over my body, for cryin’ out loud!

But I also still maintain that professionals holding out that they offer services and have a center for wellbeing–hello!–have a duty to respond to clients when they request an appointment, even if that response is, “I can’t fit it into my schedule right now; can we schedule it for fill in the blank time frame?” You don’t ignore the request, and it certainly isn’t professional at all to make a potential client have to request an appointment multiple (I’m talking 4 or more) times, and you don’t make them keep asking over 3 months and still ignore the request. If they are simply too busy to make one simple appointment in 3 months’ time, they are simply too busy and have no business trying to grow their business. Although with 2 founders and very few clients and participants, it’s difficult to figure out how they were just too busy. They were so busy with less meaningful minutiae that they overlooked that which they most needed to be taking care of–people interested in helping them further their work, and clients who needed appointments for the services they (allegedly) offer.

What in the world is going to happen with cancer patients who come for help, but get ignored despite multiple requests for an appointment? What about when those clients say they don’t need a rolled up blanket behind their back or a different chair or whatever it may be that the “professionals” think they need, and despite the clients’ emphatic “NO, thank you, I am fine!” these “professionals” force what they think the client needs because they are concerned and have the best of intentions?????? Good intentions, and concern, aren’t always helpful or for the highest good.

It comes down to boundaries. Healthy, strong, confident boundaries. I have mine. The “professionals” are like amoebas. They are all over the place. Their “vision” and “mission statement” (neither of which are in real world, workable terms) are attempts at being all things to all people and yet nothing substantial to anyone. They don’t have professional boundaries themselves; their “vision” doesn’t have appropriate boundaries, and therefore they have no respect for someone who does have healthy boundaries.

I shudder to think of the disasters waiting to happen, unless they wake up and see the message.

So while I do have things to look at, I should never have been ignored and discounted, and their “concerns” for “helping” me should never have been forced on me when I was very clearly saying, “No!”

Will they get this? I don’t know. Could I have made the point in a better way? Probably, but by now, my frustration level had escalated too high. My “NO” was never heard, over and over again, and that was the most frustrating part of the whole situation. Their concerns somehow overrode my wishes for my body. Go figure. Health professionals without training in basic patient rights is scary.

I am trying to let go of the situation. I am trying to look at my part, yet be honest and speak my truth. I am trying so hard to be a blessing. This time, I may be one of those “blessings in disguise” instead of an outright blessing. I know they were certainly a “blessing in disguise” for me, as things shifted so fortuitously and easily to so many good things and great opportunities almost immediately after I said my final “NO!” in a way that simply could not be missed, discounted, unheard, or ignored.

Well, maybe next time I will get it better, but maybe next time, they will, too.

When one door closes, another opens! Wow…

“Those who put up walls and a gate and shut themselves away soon find that they have become ingrown and fearful of the world. …It is only when the doors… are open that clean air flows in, guests come to visit, and the melodious sounds of birdsong float in.”

[Everyday Tao: Living With Balance and Harmony, by Deng Ming-Dao; published by HarperOne, 1996; p. 27.]

WOW!!! I can hardly believe it! This morning a door slammed shut in my face. It was the final slamming of a door that had already been barred and locked against me, but the slamming was final this morning.

This afternoon, a door of fantastic opportunity has opened!!! And not only did our hour and a half discussion prove veryfruitful, I have another appointment in 2 weeks to continue our discussion! I was actually asked for my input, my gifts, my help in getting a new program up and running! AND, if that weren’t already enough, I was given a FANTASTIC opportunity for GREAT office space (and I do mean GREAT!) at a nearly unbelievable cost of $150 a month, and that money would not just be for MY space, but also to help a nonprofit organization!

I have to give the office space considerable thought, but even if I don’t take advantage of the space for myself, I would be helping a nonprofit group tremendously, and I could consider the money a charitable donation of sorts. I had already earmarked this much money a month to help out the other nonprofit organization who apparently didn’t need or want my input and help, so having this opportunity is just fantastic.

Going into this meeting, I had absolutely NO idea any of these opportunities were even possibilities on the table! I only just made the appointment yesterday afternoon for this afternoon (how’s that for getting back to me?). I had a feeling my help might be solicited, but I had no idea how open and inspiring and welcoming this entire opportunity would be! In fact, I was figuring I would probably say no to the invitation, because of wanting so much to give my energies to the other organization.

WOW! I am in awe of how things work out for the better, of how timing is so critical, and how following Tao is so important!

Thank you to the Universe, to the energy and flow that is Tao, to listening, to being available for great blessings to flow. I am so glad I listened so carefully this time, and stopped trying so hard to push the river. Had I continued trying to push the river with the other organization, I would’ve turned down this opportunity. I think the Universe was awaiting my realization that pushing the river never works, that they simply weren’t ready for me, while this organization certainly is.

THIS is being in the flow. THIS is when I know something is right. THIS is so different from pushing the river.

Needing others

“The paintbrush doesn’t make pictures without a hand.

The zither makes no music in its case.

A votive painting cannot stop a bullet.

Place a shuttle in a loom and it cannot weave alone.

Put a key in a lock and it cannot turn by itself.

A plane needs a carpenter.

A book needs a reader.

A field needs a farmer.

A wheel needs a potter.

A boat needs a sailor.

An altar needs a worshiper.”

[Everyday Tao: Living With Balance and Harmony, by Deng Ming-Dao; published by HarperOne, 1996; p.209.]

What makes someone so afraid of having a vision for a community service-oriented center, but only sharing it, REALLY sharing it, with one other person? Two people cannot and will not make the dream a reality, until they learn to open up and include others as PART of their team. By holding people “at arm’s length,” they relegate them to an outsider’s status only. And until they learn to open up like a lotus flower sharing its blossom with the world, they will be a tightly closed bud, at best, always longing for what they want to bring to fruition, but never quite making it happen, because they have held on too tightly, maintained control between just the two of them to the extent that the only room for others were as participants, or someone just wanting to use their space.

I wanted more. I wanted to be a part of what made it open and blossom and bring it into the world. I didn’t just want a space to lead some group. In fact, those possibilities were crushed as other facilitators were invited AND SCHEDULED to do the very things I had hoped to do. But there were still plenty of other items on my list to do, so I kept knocking on that door, asking that lotus bud to let me in.

In the end, the timing just wasn’t right. At a time when these two people need others more than ever to make it happen, this is the time they chose to keep their fists tightly closed to the people that were brought to them to help them make it happen.

In the end, maybe we were just the messengers that this is the way they are choosing to be when they need to let go and let it bloom. They need to let themselves need others. They need to let others into their very center. Not “the” center as in the building, but into the very center of their vision.

I hope I never lose sight of needing others, of letting others come in and help bring forth that which needs to be brought forth.

“The zither makes no music in its case. … A field needs a farmer.”

Back to the drawing board. Someday, it can and will happen. Maybe not now, maybe not here. I am clear on what I need, and I need others. That is a good thing.

melodrama

I have tried my best to keep melodrama out of a particular situation in which I find myself. I have mulled over, journaled, shared with others, asked for help in writing an email without anger, drama, or malice. I have even entertained the notion of not sending a final email. But in the end, I had to speak my truth. These two individuals work with vulnerable people who are looking for help with a variety of health issues, perhaps even chronic pain or even cancer, and I feel it is very very important that they hear from me how they have presented themselves. While I feel I have the stability to move on without more damage being done to me emotionally, they are going to be working with people who may be a lot more fragile than I, and the results could be disastrous. So I felt it my duty to be honest.

Whether or not I will be heard is another matter entirely. The problem with people who are truly codependent and always trying to fix other people is that all they can see are their intentions, which are usually good and well-meaning. The real issue is in how these intentions are carried out, the underlying passive-aggressive tendencies, the ego projections, the unknown-to-themselves attitude of “I know what’s best for you” that permeates everything.

Maybe it wasn’t very Tao-ful of me to write and send that final email. Maybe I should’ve been content to let them wonder why I had to walk away, and to let them learn the hard way about how they come across to people, perhaps even get into a bit of sticky-wicket with future clients.

But Tao or not, I really felt that I needed to give voice to what they haven’t been able to see or hear. I hope it will save them from themselves, because right now they are so joined at the hip and tuned into themselves that they can’t see past their own dysfunctions and issues.

So, I hope they will hear me, and I hope I said everything with as little melodrama as possible, because that was my intention.

And now I can simply move on. I’m glad the struggle within me has been given a voice so that I can let go and go forward.

Back to Tao thoughts tomorrow, but I must say that this rich Tao environment has certainly helped me tremendously with this entire situation. Maybe months or years from now I will look back and see how I could’ve handled it better. But for now, this was the highest level I’ve ever been able to deal with this kind of dysfunctional personalities. And for that, I have my study of Tao to thank.